Category: DIBs

Image of an autistic founder struggling in an investor social gathering.

“85% of autistic adults are unemployed and struggle to get corporate jobs, so it’s no wonder that many of us are starting our own businesses”

I spend hours on LinkedIn, looking for connections, getting excited when someone accepts, and reaching out with a quick “Thanks, let’s keep in touch!” Then, I think about that next step: promoting my consulting business. What is the right amount of time to wait? How do I start the conversation? How do I articulate it when we do talk? I spend some time with ChatGPT to get guidelines, outline Sales motions and playbooks to present, trying to refine every aspect of my presentation prior to that first accepted meeting. I worry that I’m coming across as too pushy, thinking how I would react when I get an invite with an immediate sales pitch. It’s practically paralyzing, because as a high-masking autistic founder, social interactions can cause me to shut down, right in the middle of a conversation. If I don’t rehearse the interaction, I risk losing control and silently melting down.

 

So, why do it? Why put myself through this actual, physical pain of trying to pitch my consultancy? Why not just stay in Corporate? A good question: One that I ask myself regularly, as I try to work out the mechanics of building a pipeline of contacts and potential business. The reality is, because of my autistic brain, I am really good at visualizing ecosystems, particularly within businesses, and where training and enablement can be streamlined and made more proactive, effective, and collaborative. I have experience and skills that can boost ROI from training and enablement, once I get these systems in place, and I create it with neurodiversity in mind. It’s rare to find a corporate job that will allow you to provide so much benefit and growth to individuals across multiple organizations.

Now, I don’t want to make it sound like I’m speaking for all founders or business leaders who are autistic. Not everyone expresses their autism the same way (hence, “Spectrum”), and there are several successful business owners who are autistic that make sales calls, kill it in meetings, and at the end of the day decompress. Others struggle to find a job at all. In fact, it’s estimated that up to 85% of autistic adults are unemployed. Think about that for a minute: Those with phenomenal skills at analysis, focus, and detail work struggle to find a job in corporate America, many of which are left trying to start their own business.

The Challenges

Autism expresses itself differently with many, and while masking can cover up the challenges many autistic entrepreneurs experience, it’s often too exhausting to maintain. Common struggles that an autistic founder can have are:

  • Difficulty with Social Interaction: A common expression of autism is difficulty with social interactions. I can’t tell you the number of times I would come away from a meeting feeling it went very well, when I find out it had not. Subtle social queues and body language signals are missed, derailed conversations that go outside of the prepped script require more time to process, and other voices who are louder and more insistent are likely to dominate the meeting, the autistic founder sitting back and listening with no input.

  • Over-customizing Solutions: Autistic founders find it hard to say no, eager to please and generate business. Customizing solutions, adding features for the sake of features, building everything and anything to make the customer happy. Instead of stopping and asking “why,” we just say “yes.”

  • Masking or Ignoring Sensory Needs: Not allowing the knee-bounce, the finger flex, a quick hum or rock can be exhausting. Masking takes a lot of energy for autistic adults, and yet we mask when we fear others will see us as weird or strange. Ignoring the need for stimming, taking a break when overwhelmed, or even just turning off fluorescent lighting that flickers subtly (and causes headaches) will eventually overwhelm.

  • Deferring to Another’s Vision: You know what you can do, you know what you can offer, but if you spend all your time listening to other people saying “You should do…” it will drain your energy more than anything else.

  • Perfectionist Paralysis: Whether wired for it or learned from years of “corrections” by teachers, therapists, and parents, autistic brains are wired to try to be perfect the first time to avoid any arguments. Why? Because every mistake is remembered, ruminated on for weeks afterward, and becomes a trigger point. Often an autistic brain will delay something until everything is perfect: the idea of a MVP (minimally viable product) that can be iterated on doesn’t exist.

It’s daunting, trying to start a business, getting the advice you need, making sure you have what your customers will want, and then getting the word out about your offerings when you struggle to hold a conversation with a stranger.

So Why Do It?

If it’s so difficult to get the word out and sell the product or service, why bother starting a business? Sure, it’s often the only option for many autistic adults, as corporate jobs ramp up the challenges with little to no support (unless they have worked with Aubilities shameless plug). But autistic founders have several advantages over their competitors:

  • Deep Focus and Persistence: Autistic brains are, generally, wired for deep focus, and do not tire from repetition, making our brains very persistent. It’s why my favorite part of Learning and Development is the Analysis: Figuring out what needs to be taught, breaking it down into digestible chunks, and reinforcing the skills, knowledge, and behaviors needed for successful business outcomes. If it doesn’t work, they will iterate, work until it is successful, instead of sending a client into “customer success” handling.

  • Pattern Recognition: Autistic brains are wired for pattern recognition, seeing the connections between siloed organizations and departments, and how they can be best supported. So, instead of reinforcing siloed experiences within an organization, autistic brains can see how they influence each other, building collaboration and efficiency across departments.

  • Integrity and Honesty: Autistic brains find it difficult to lie and deceive, valuing authenticity, honesty, and engagement. Not only is this the best way to engage with clients and customers, autistic brains are also wired to be more inclined to inclusion and belonging.

  • Hyper focus on Special Topics: When an autistic founder is hyper-focused on their problem, nothing else matters. The customer’s or client’s project is the only thing on mind, 24/7. It also means that you may get analogies that will be interesting and, often, very detailed. For instance, I’m deeply focused on sailing and sailboats, and often will use sailing examples in my videos or articles as they apply.

So, How Do I Do It?

So, what’s the secret? How does an autistic entrepreneur start a business and start making money? It’s not easy, there’s a lot of work that goes into it. Some features that make it easier:

  • Build an Autistic-Friendly Communication Pipeline: I find that I’m a much better (though verbose) writer than I am a speaker, particularly with unknown contacts. So, I use LinkedIn posts and articles, blog articles, and videos on YouTube that allow me to write, edit, and refine my presentation, and I’ll often write and record several posts, articles, and videos in a row, catering to my deep focus need, and then schedule them for release (I likely scheduled this article for release ^_^).

  • Build and Document Everything: I have a Notion page that contains my offerings, playbooks, and procedures so I can reference them quickly and easily during a conversation. I’ll also build presentations that highlight specific items without creating “text walls” that overwhelm. I also like to have the text opposite a related image to help set the tone.

  • Have Complementary Support: I know my limitations, and I know what is needed to be successful, so I work closely with colleagues and friends that help me with communication, sales pitches, business structure, etc. Many of my friends are either neurotypical, or are complementary, such as having ADHD, so they push for me to move faster and have communication skills I lack.

  • Keep it Authentic: I don’t try to be anything than I am, and stay honest in what I can do and what I can’t do. If things change, I take it as it is. I’ve had some opportunities fall through over time for various reasons, and I don’t take it personal. I accept what is, try to learn from the experience, and move on.

  • Keep Sensory Needs in Mind: I work in a shed in my backyard (with air conditioning and a wood-burning stove for comfort when needed), with my dogs on hand when needed. I use an Apple Vision Pro with water sound-effects playing and Bora Bora as an environment to set an environment that’s calming and conducive for deep focus. I take breaks when I need to, spend time walking to burn off energy and stimming needs, and decompress with my dogs or cat if needed.

As an autistic founder and entrepreneur, I have a lot of struggles that my neurotypical peers may not experience, but it doesn’t mean I can’t potentially be successful. It just means that I need to approach my process differently to bring value to clients and customers.

Are you interested in learning more? Book a free Strategy session and I’ll be happy to discuss how I can help your organization grow and scale faster.

Ai-Generated image of a boat maker building a sailboat.

I’ve worked at several organizations with varying degrees of cultural health. Some have been extremely toxic, others have been very inclusive and rewarding. Most have been a mix: Some teams are inclusive, others are toxic. Looking back, I struggle to find one particular reason for the cultural environment. Was it leadership that drove the culture? Peers that reflected it? How did one team become inclusive while the other was toxic? Could a team drift from one to the other? And, like everything else in life, there wasn’t one simple answer. There were three, at least that I identified. Can you identify the root cause? Yes. Can it be fixed? Of course, with effort. Let’s dive in.

Understanding the Drivers of Culture

It’s been commented on LinkedIn so many times it’s threatening to become clichè, but culture really isn’t what’s documented on your web page, what you put in your job descriptions, or what you say in your all-hands meetings. It’s what you, your leaders, and your people do daily. It’s how you treat your customers, your partners, and your employees. It’s the difference between “Garfield Mondays” and excitement for the challenge. In short, it’s how your company works in unison to meet your collective vision. It encompasses a lot: ethics, compassion, work ethic, respect, honesty, etc. It’s how you prepare your folks for their jobs, keep them skilled and motivated, and handle scale. Culture is how your teams succeed, not why your teams succeed.

Let me explain that last statement really quickly. I’ve worked for some companies that were ethically questionable in how they treated their customers and employees, yet they were still successful companies (at least in the short term). Whether it was because of short-term gaps they filled, or price ranges that appealed to customers even if the experience was questionable, they managed to succeed with a toxic culture. That culture was perpetuated from every level, often because those who were good were driven off by the culture, causing a feedback that only attracted those of like minds. So the company didn’t succeed because of their culture, but despite it, though “success” should be qualified: They were in business and made a profit, but struggled to grow in market share. They remained niche, and often were perfectly happy to be there as long as the money kept coming.

So, if bad culture succeeds (in a fashion), why worry about having good culture? Let me answer that with one of the best success stories of my long career: ServiceNow. When I started at ServiceNow, I was employee 3336. The company culture, for the most part, was very positive, inclusive, and willing to accommodate those who needed accommodation as long as they could perform their duties, which they did once they could feel comfortable doing so. That was over 11 years ago, and the company now has over 100,000 employees, is a powerhouse in B2B, and continues to have, overall, an excellent culture. They strive for inclusion, and it shows. Now, they succeed because they have an excellent product that continues to get better through driven employees who want the company to succeed. The culture drives that desire for excellence, and it shows. It’s how they succeed.

So what drives culture? I mentioned three drivers, so let’s break them down:

  1. Senior Leadership Behavior: Senior Leadership behavior has a huge impact on the culture of the rest of the company. When C-Suite leaders not only talk about inclusion but actively live it in their day-to-day behaviors, it sets the tone for the rest of the company. Investments in Employee Resource Groups, training, discussions, ethical principles of behavior, and outright kindness and understanding go a long way in driving company culture. If your C-Suite team is dedicated to a healthy, inclusive culture, employees take notice. So do the next group.

  2. Management: VPs, Directors, Managers, and Supervisors all take the vision of the C-Suite and translate it into action. At each level, culture is interpreted and passed on. One bad manager or one indifferent director can derail a team’s culture from the main company, turning it toxic. Conversely, one really good manager or director can buck the toxic trend within an organization. They have just as much scrutiny as C-Suite from their directs, and drive the culture within their respective spheres of influence. I’ve seen new leaders come in and demolish culture within an org to such a degree that other departments were thrilled to see them leave. I’ve also seen leaders drive such a culture of compassion and inclusion that employees across the company would line up to join the team when an opening was made available. How can you find them? Employee Voice surveys. One thing I was most proud of during my tenure at ServiceNow: my Employee Voice surveys from my team were the highest of any other team at the company.

  3. Peers: I was going to say Employees, but I think peers are the best way to highlight this last group. How your teammates treat each other has a direct impact on the team. Generally, this is tied directly to the leadership of the team, but it shouldn’t always be that way. A toxic employee can rapidly drag a team down if not kept in check. I’ve seen it before where a good manager can manage a toxic employee within his sphere of influence, but once they leave, they revert to their toxic behaviors. Cliques within teams often lead to toxicity, as they become exclusive to others, putting up barriers that stifle inclusion. On the flip side, I’ve seen teams who, understanding that team members are struggling, will reach out and actively help, coach, encourage, and support their teammates so everyone wins. Peers have a huge amount of influence on the health and well-being of the team culture.

Prepping for the Journey: Getting the Foundations of Culture In Place

So, we know where culture is driven; how do we drive it in the right way? It’s a good question, and it really comes down to who wants to drive the culture and how ingrained that culture is. Not because it’s impossible to fix a toxic culture, but because it takes a long time to rebuild trust in teams, and the more pervasive the toxicity of the culture, the longer it will take.

First, you need C-Suite dedication to inclusion and understanding. This means proper training, coaching, and mentoring. As a leader, you need to watch your own behaviors and approach to your culture. Inclusion, particularly neuroinclusion, is a good bellwether measurement for your culture: if you are neuroinclusive (welcoming of ADHD, autism, dyslexia, etc. as well as the neurotypical), then you are likely, culturally inclusive (racially, ethnically, religiously, etc.), though it should be mentioned that it’s not exclusively 1:1. As a side note: I focus primarily in neuroinclusion, though many of these same suggestions will work with other inclusive steps to strengthen your culture.

Once your C-Suite is in place, you need to properly train your leaders. Shockingly, 66% of managers are not trained to be managers until they have been on the job at least 10 years. Train your managers, and if I can recommend any type of training, I would recommend a situational approach to leadership (and if you need someone to conduct the training, I know a guy!). I would also recommend regular presentations from neurodivergent presenters, specialists, and other speakers who can put perspectives on what it’s like from the neurodivergent point of view. Need more guidance? There are organizations out there, like Aubilities, that can give you the perspectives you need to better understand how inclusion can happen.

For your peers and your employees, you need support. Employee Resource Groups are a great way to build and maintain an inclusive culture, and as an estimated 20% of your workforce is neurodivergent, you should have a resource group in place! Training and support systems are also valuable, and Aubilities or Auticate can give you resources for your employees and peers to better understand their own diagnoses, as well as their peers’.

Setting Sail: Building Your Culture of Inclusion

You have the tools in place now, you’ve prepped for the journey, it’s time to get started. As Bill McDermott is fond of saying, “Trust is earned in drops, and lost in buckets.” If you really want to change your culture, you need to start as soon as possible and keep right on at it. You won’t see changes immediately overnight (without firing a whole lot of people at once, and that’s not good for the company!), and it will take time for each group to change, learn to trust, and earn that trust. Be patient, settle in for the long haul if you need to, and know that the long-term growth and scale of your company depend on your patience.

 

We have all been there at some point in our lives; trying to do something that seems so pointless. It may be filling out a timecard with multiple activities, or answering phones only to redirect them to someone else. The tasks seem pointless in themselves, and regardless of the value the task has to someone else, it makes it less of a priority to get done. We often ask ourselves, what is the purpose?

A purpose is a powerful motivator. Nations have gone to war because of a sense of purpose, civilizations have been created and extinguished through purpose. A purpose will guide decisions, justify actions, and inform strategy. It has brought products to market, businesses rise and fall by it, and new technologies discovered every day come and go based on finding a purpose. It’s safe to say that humanity needs to find a purpose to have an impact. In the workplace, there are layers of purpose to be found, though I’d like to focus on three: enterprise purpose, team purpose, and personal purpose.

Enterprise Purpose

Enterprise purpose, at least by my definition, is the reason and driving force for the company’s existence. It can be as simple as, “Safeguard your Savings” for a bank, or “Streamline your Work” for process automation. Growing up in the ’80s the media often portrayed the purpose of many a faceless corporate giant as “making more money,” and often “making more money for executives.” Needless to say, it was easy to vilify these entities in various workplace comedies with the little guy having to fight against the big corporate money machine.

Around the 2000s there was a shift, starting with tech companies (at least then the global marketplace) and quickly spreading to other organizations: defining a positive, socially impactful purpose. Google began with “Don’t be evil” as their purpose, and though vague it resonated with employees. Other corporate entities began to see the benefits of sharing their purpose as well: both customers and employees could get behind them. It drove adoption, profits, hiring, and retention. I will honestly say that if I am ever reached out to by another company, I always ask about the company’s purpose. I need to know where they are and what drives them.

Team Purpose

The team purpose is very similar to corporate or enterprise purpose but at the team level. It’s all well and good to have a corporate purpose of “End Cyber Bullying,” but where does your accounting team fit into that purpose? Break it down further, how does your internal billing team relate to that purpose? By defining a purpose, decisions are informed by clear guidelines. Teams know what they are doing, and how it impacts the company and customers, and are empowered to make decisions based on that purpose.

Personal Purpose

It’s difficult to talk about personal purpose without talking about a moral compass. To me, they seem the same. A personal purpose is what you, and you alone, value and desire. It will impact the career you strive for, the length of time you are at a company, and the effort you put in while at a company. If you value titles over opportunity, that will impact job growth moving forward. If your values match well with a company, you are likely to remain longer than if your values are in direct contrast.

For instance, my purpose is to provide future security to my two boys with autism, while inclusively building career opportunities through training and development. I value the importance of family, and I value the importance of allowing everyone to be successful.

When the Stars Align (or Not)

In a perfect world, all three levels of purpose will align. When that happens you see happy customers and employees, successful teams and companies. Everyone is driven by the same goals because they know what they want, what the team wants, and what the company wants. It’s truly magical when that happens.

And when it doesn’t, that’s when you have issues. Employees without purpose or who lack the understanding of their purpose become frustrated. It’s much like being tested on unknown criteria and not knowing the expected results. If you feel that you do not have a purpose for your team or organization, sit down with your manager and work out that purpose. If your manager isn’t sure either, then it’s a good time for both of you to work out clear-cut expectations and how you can meet those expectations. Then you both will be more satisfied with the work and results!

2021, much like its predecessor, was a difficult year. When the world should have been returning to a sense of normalcy, the Delta and then Omicron variants reared their head. Opportunities hoped for were lost, long-anticipated plans and events changed, and life-changing events continued to happen. 2021 was the year I lost my dad. Many others have lost parents, siblings, grandparents, or children. And those with that feeling of loss and grief are coming into the workplace. I’d like to focus on what we can do to help others with their feelings of grief and loss, regardless of the cause. I’ll be referencing two articles that I highly recommend: Coping with Grief and Loss, and Workplace Grief and Loss: Coping with the Death of a Coworker. Please read through both of these excellent articles for a more comprehensive understanding. Also please note: I am not a mental health professional and this information is given as a general reference. If you are dealing with serious trauma, grief, or depression, please seek out appropriate medical help.

Causes of Grief: And trying not to judge

Any type of loss can cause grief. In Coping with Grief and Loss, the list is pretty comprehensive, and yet just a small list of examples:

  • Divorce or relationship breakup
  • Loss of health
  • Losing a job
  • Loss of financial stability
  • A miscarriage
  • Retirement
  • Death of a pet
  • Loss of a cherished dream
  • A loved one’s serious illness
  • Loss of a friendship
  • Loss of safety after a trauma
  • Selling the family home

Any type of loss, real or perceived, can cause grief. It’s a tendency of humans to pass judgment on the level of grief expected to be felt, generally based on one’s own experiences. The best thing anyone can do for someone else is to accept their feelings of loss and grief as real and justified, regardless of the cause. Emotionally, the feelings and impact are the same and should be treated equally. Everyone needs understanding during their times of grief, not a judgment on whether or not their level of pain is justifiable based on someone else’s scale.

Understand the Grieving Process

In order to best help others, it is necessary to understand the grieving process and help others work through their pain by being present for them. Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the 5 stages of grief, which gives a good guideline on how it’s processed.

  1. Denial: I don’t believe this is happening, because it can’t happen – Often someone in denial will just continue on with the job, unwilling to accept that their loss and grief impact their ability to do the job.
  2. Anger: Why is this happening, and who is to blame?! – Anger can boil over at the littlest things, and at any moment. It may not be controllable, or understandable. Taking a break and talking it through can get to the real cause of the anger.
  3. Bargaining: Please, stop this from happening and I’ll do _____
  4. Depression: I’m too sad to do anything – A sudden loss in productivity or engagement, failing to be present, or just simply not showing up at all are clear signs of depression. It’s not always easy to be self-aware about your own depression, so it helps to have co-workers and family members who can see those behavior patterns.
  5. Acceptance: I’m okay with what’s happened – The last stage is one where individuals will often try to rush to, and with variable degrees of success. Know that someone can be okay with things one minute, and have the weight of grief hit them the next. Be patient, understanding, and willing to take what you can.

It should be noted that these stages do not necessarily happen in order, and there is no time frame for how long each stage can last. People all process their grief in their own way and in their own time. To help your co-workers through their pain, it’s important to observe, communicate, and be available. But much more than that, know that while someone is grieving, little things can overwhelm them very quickly. Often the person grieving isn’t aware of what could overwhelm, them until they are overwhelmed. Be sensitive specifically to otherwise unexplained drops in productivity.

Help Others Cope

You can help others through their grief by being sympathetic and available, and doing what you can to help ease the challenges that can compound grief. Often co-workers in the workplace will try to rationalize, avoid, or push their pain away in order to appear “normal” and avoid the stigma of grief. These behaviors might temporarily help avoid the pain of loss but can create more feelings of shame, fear, and isolation around that loss. Be conscious of loss and grief around you, and be clear and open with your expectations. As a leader, do what you can to mitigate expectations and allow people to grieve. The more someone pushes, or is forced to push, their pain away, the longer it will take for someone to move through the grieving process.

It’s also very important to be sure that any mental health services provided by the company are available and that your co-workers are aware. While you can be understanding, you are not expected to be a mental health expert (unless of course, that is your actual job). Encourage those who are grieving to take time to work with someone in order to process their grief and pain in a healthy way.

Taking Action

When my father died, my mother was devastated, and yet still working. Having already been on extended Family leave, she had already burned through her PTO prior to my father’s passing, and now she felt obligated to return to work before even the funeral was held. Her supervisor, in a complete and total expression of compassion, told her to take all the time she needed, and it would be worked out with HR. Her team then contacted her to let her know that the work she would have done was being handled by them, and they would step in to make sure she didn’t feel overwhelmed when she came back to the office. What an excellent expression of compassion and sympathy by the team, leading them to an action that supported my mother at her most vulnerable.

Empathy is understanding someone’s circumstances, but sympathy is acting on that understanding. While empathy has been a buzzword in the business world for a long time, just understanding, or trying to understand, someone’s plight isn’t enough. There are times when action is far more important, showing your support by doing what you can in order to help someone else. It doesn’t have to be huge, just enough to lift someone’s burden.

2021 was a rough year, and every year is rough for someone. Understand, be sympathetic, and be there and support your teammates when they struggle. That is the best part of being human.

The topic of gratitude and recognition has been a big focus for me of late. I’ve been encouraging my team to share recognition for others’ help, the value they bring, and the unique qualities that build the team experience. In general, the team welcomed the idea but questioned the execution. A question asked was, “What if we don’t mean it?” It was a question that put me off but, to be fair, a valid one. We’ve all been in a situation where participation prizes were given to make sure everyone felt included and recognized, which devalued the recognition process. What makes using recognition as a tool to help others feel better about themselves any different?

Recognition is a very interesting tool. It can be used to foster competition or generate a sense of exasperation when used wrongly. It can build a team, or just an individual while destroying the ecosystem. When used with care and purpose, it can build a culture. When carelessly thrown to the side, it can become yet another failed experiment. It all comes down to the intent and meaning you put behind it.

Sales is an excellent example of a competition-based recognition strategy that succeeds. Generally dominated by highly competitive personalities, a sales team will thrive when they have an exclusive prize in view. Recognition in terms of financial or other perks becomes the prize, driving everyone to perform well or excel. The meaning behind sales recognition is the value brought to the company’s bookings and bottom line. The more a salesperson brings in, the more the company can recognize toward margin and ultimately profits.

Now apply that idea to another scenario. If you set up a competition within your team for “best customer service” or “most hours worked” and you drive very specific behaviors toward spending a lot of time hand-holding a customer for that CSAT score, or decimating work/life blend to get that prize. People will either reduce productivity to get high CSAT every time or they will kill themselves to prove they have what it takes. Neither of these behaviors is likely to be desirable, though they technically meet your criteria of best.

When building a team, recognition can be powerful if used to foster and grow those desired behaviors. A good example would be recognition around collaboration, team support, or outstanding quality of work. The behaviors are varied, all tied to measurable KPIs, and therefore make easy recognition opportunities for multiple people based on their strengths. It’s a common method that most organizations apply to non-competitive departments that look to recognize excellence within established KPIs.

Taken this further, it’s possible to weigh too heavily on those who are regular high-performers, or have more opportunity to excel because they are more senior. Or, to not leave anyone out, management will often find some type of recognition that fits the person instead of the KPI. It can also be tempting to use recognition as the only form of reward, as opposed to bonuses, raises, or promotions, even though excellence in meeting KPIs brings high value to the organization. If not properly followed up, this type of recognition becomes meaningless and will often be treated as a running gag amongst employees. It can even become a point of toxicity amongst employees, leading to derisive comments directed at those who are rewarded just for doing their job.

What does this all have to do with gratitude and meaning, you ask? A fair question. Gratitude is an expression that is given to those who assist when it is most needed by someone who needs that help. Someone who is in a vulnerable spot requires help and expresses that gratitude when help is received. The receiver then knows that the person who helped can be trusted. If the receiver then publicly recognizes the helper, trust is reciprocated. Therefore gratitude, if used and recognized properly, becomes a vehicle to build trust in a team. That trust, in turn, builds respect, and respect will foster inclusion and belonging within a team. Expand this throughout an organization, and you build a strong culture of gratitude.

The meaning comes from the act of helping. Often help comes, not through completing tasks, but the way the tasks had been completed. Every individual has their particular strengths, skills, and knowledge they bring to work every day. And while someone may physically help with tasks, someone else may give guidance. Still, someone else may provide emotional support, and yet another person can provide a good laugh at just the right time. These non-KPI skills and values brought to the job are just as valuable as KPIs because they build, sculpt, and define the climate and culture in which everyone works.

The problem is, that gratitude can only be expressed when someone is feeling vulnerable. If the company culture doesn’t provide a psychologically safe space for vulnerability even someone who is grateful will not recognize that beyond a verbal thank-you. Leadership will never know, and the value of that gratitude is greatly diminished, or often ignored. The company culture then suffers and presents a breeding ground for toxicity within the workplace. Ironically, the simple process of acknowledging gratitude within a company can build that safe space.

I’ve been encouraging gratitude, and leading by example, within my team to help build a stronger culture of inclusion and belonging within the team. I’ve also encouraged other leaders to follow along, breaking down their comfort zones and exposing their vulnerabilities in doing the same. I started by setting some ground rules:

  1. Your recognition needs to be focused on the how, not just the what: How did someone help you, and what did they bring to the table that made this experience so important to you?
  2. Be personal: express your gratitude in a very personal, direct way that connects to what their support has meant
  3. Be real: If you are faking it, you are not grateful. If you aren’t grateful, then why are you posting something?

This last point I’d like to expand on. Too many leaders feel obligated to express recognition for something, and so they will write something out that is, well, not as sincere as it could be. And the person receiving it will know. They always do. Remember, they were there as well. They know how they helped, how you took it, and whether or not your expression is genuine.

Now what if you can’t think of anything at all, yet you want to recognize someone because they did something? Think deep, and ask yourself some searching questions:

  • Why do you feel it necessary to recognize this person?
  • What was it they did you feel was extraordinary?
  • How did they help?
  • What made their help so useful? For this question, don’t think about the “what,” but rather the “why.” Look at the intangibles, the personality the person brought, and their attitude that made the experience unique to them

I’m in the business of Training, so I naturally know that skills can be taught to anyone. Proper training can help anyone do anything given enough time. What can’t be taught is the personality, vitality, humor, and sincerity that someone brings to the workplace. It’s those intangibles that magnify the value of someone’s effort. Those intangibles should be recognized, particularly when they are most valued: when you are vulnerable and in need of them. Express your gratitude at work, and I promise you that your work culture will change for the better. It’s not a silver bullet, but a valuable tool when building a culture of trust, inclusion, and belonging.

This is a particularly personal concept for me, which is why I wanted to share it. Back in my Elementary school days, I watched a movie short that has always stuck with me: Cypher in the Snow. In the movie, a young boy walks off the school bus and just passes away. His teacher, who doesn’t remember him, was asked to give the eulogy at his funeral because he was the boy’s favorite teacher. Perplexed, the teacher then spends the rest of the short trying to find out all he could about the boy. He had no friends, a rough home life, and was one of those students who didn’t do well enough to get praise or poor enough to be reprimanded. He was, well, a cipher. The end of the short has the teacher vowing never to allow another boy to become a cipher if he could help it. As children, we were encouraged to follow that example, and never let a peer feel like a cipher. Some kids laughed, many felt sorry, and we went on our merry way.

Since I started my work experiences, I’ve watched those around me. I’ve seen some folks learn and grow, social groups grow, shift, and personalities grow dominant. I’ve also seen several folks that come in, do the job well, and then go home. They are quiet, sit in the corner at lunch or breaks, and are quick to head home. Maybe they had been invited to join a group once or twice and declined, and shortly after invites were no longer forthcoming. These employees cycle through a lot of jobs, often not staying in one place for too long. Many on their team don’t bother to learn their name. They are, essentially, ciphers.

I’ve been a cipher before in a past organization. I know how it feels. It hurts. It hurts to see others promoted or given opportunities because they have more visibility and popularity. To know that often you are overlooked because your input isn’t seen as important is frustrating. Your morale falls to rock bottom, and you spend a lot of time looking for other, better opportunities. Changing organizations appeals as an easier fix rather than trying to improve your current situation.

There are a lot of reasons why folks isolate or are isolated, and move into the cipher role on a team. Here are a couple that have come up in my personal experiences, though I’m sure there are others:

  • Homelife: Things are rough at home, and a private person doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it at work or feels that they will not be safe discussing their problems. This creates an additional load on someone at work and leads quickly to burnout.
  • Unhappy with circumstances: Particularly during a period of economic distress, often someone is concerned with having a job, rather than having the right job. This means someone may have taken a job they normally wouldn’t want, just so they have some money coming in. They are withdrawn because they intend to leave quickly, even though it may not happen. Eventually, this could lead to a toxic environment.
  • Personal mental health: Mental health is very taboo in many work cultures, no one wants to be thought of as “mentally unfit” for their job. The reality is that neurodiversity is a strength in many organizations, yet those who are perceived as different can be treated horribly.
  • Depression: Technically, this should be covered in personal mental health, but depression is such a common, and commonly hidden, issue in the workplace that I feel it needs to be pulled out separately. Several factors can contribute to depression, far more than I can put in a simple bullet point, but needless to say, depression will sap someone’s enjoyment of everyday events, leading to withdrawal and isolation.
  • Burnout: This is a huge one, particularly in a COVID and post-COVID world. Employees are given more tasks than possible to complete in a reasonable amount of time, measured against unrealistic or uncontrollable metrics, or given unachievable goals. Working toward those goals and trying to succeed takes too much, and eventually, the person shuts down to recover. You go from a high performer to someone thought of as “lazy” within a short amount of time.
  • Contribution Dismissal: Engaged employees will often bring up a lot of ideas, concerns, and effort, some good, some bad, some scary, and new. If those ideas, concerns, or effort is often and consistently dismissed as unimportant or wrong, the employee will stop engaging. “Why should I continue to try and engage?” they think, since when they do they are dismissed. And it’s not just leadership dismissing the idea, but also peers. Soon the employee doesn’t feel any intrinsic value in themselves, and those who once were highly engaged become cyphers.

Working your way out of cipher status is difficult, which is why so many employees prefer to just move to the next company, but it can be done. As a leader, the most effective way I’ve found is to build a culture of gratitude. Recognizing someone’s worth and unique value to the team builds someone’s confidence to engage with others. For those who are struggling, it gives them hope that they can work through their issues and have a supportive environment where they feel safe. For those burning out, they know their efforts have been valued, even if some of their work needs to be reassigned. Those who otherwise feel disconnected know that their efforts are appreciated, their ideas are valued, and their perspectives are considered. Gratitude creates a safe environment for someone to reengage with the rest of the team.

As a person who, for whatever reason, has found themselves in the cipher position, it takes a lot of personal reflection to pull out. I can highly recommend a career coach as an outside party to help evaluate one’s strengths and growth opportunities and place your gut reactions into perspective. I can also highly recommend a 360-degree evaluation to get a baseline from your leaders, peers, and directs to know where they see you in your career, and then compare with your estimations. And lastly, reach out and make the effort to be more visible within the team. Find that “superpower” that you have and make use of it on the team. Find ways to contribute at some level. The more visibility you receive, the more recognition you can earn, and the more your reputation as a contributor grows.

It’s easy to allow people to fall into the shadow of being a cipher. There will always be the high flyers that you celebrate and challenging employees who take up a lot of your time. Those that fall along the wayside are easy to neglect while putting efforts elsewhere. All the while excellent employees are deteriorating into numbers, and eventually just headcount on the team. It takes a concerted effort from the entire team to build a culture that expresses gratitude for those who contribute in the only way they can. And if you can’t think of something, perhaps you need to look closer.

I would like to end this article with a challenge for everyone reading: Get to know everyone on your team (employees, peers, and leaders), look for their intrinsic value to the team and express your gratitude to them for that value in a public forum. LinkedIn gives a great opportunity on your connection anniversary to express someone’s value, if your company doesn’t provide another way to share that value. By building this culture of gratitude, your team is more likely to feel like a team and will be more willing to engage.

 

Early in my career, I worked in several call centers, starting with customer service, then moving to technical support, and eventually customer advocacy (which is a topic for another post, I think). In each case, my dedication to the job came directly from how valued I felt. In my first CS job, I was treated as a replaceable mouth. I was there to tell customers a specific thing, absorb abuse, and deflect issues. If I didn’t like it, there was a line of people behind me willing to take my job. Needless to say, I didn’t stay long. It wasn’t until I worked for eBay that I felt like my contributions were respected and valued. I was an advocate for my customers, often looking out for them when they had issues or fears, and working as hard as I could to make sure they were successful. The difference wasn’t the tasks, because they were very similar. The real difference came from the gratitude my peers, leaders, directs, and customers gave because I was dedicated to their success.

Too often it’s taken for granted that employees are “replaceable” because anyone can do the tasks they are tasked to do. And, on a very utilitarian level, anyone can do any job. I’ve often advocated an internal need to outline and define every job task specifically to make this possible, as it’s the core of excellent training. With the right training and preparation, anyone can do any job. The true differentiator to success is how they do the job. The soft skills, attitude, and enthusiasm someone brings to their role can make all the difference in the success of their efforts. While just about everyone coming into a new position brings a level of enthusiasm to the position, if that is not recognized and they are taken for granted, that enthusiasm will quickly die and will lead to a very toxic workplace.

Gratitude for the individual is a key value to develop within the workplace. Developing gratitude can lead to increased positive attitudes, generate less stress, have a greater desire and belief that goals can be met, have fewer sick days, and have a high level of job satisfaction. Relationships with co-workers are more positive, and the workplace becomes a safe place to bring your authentic self. Showing gratitude is a gateway value to compassion and forgiveness, which are key values that create a healthy, positive culture in the workplace. It is also a very easy value to develop if it’s approached sincerely.

  • Lead by Example: the first step of fostering gratitude is to be the example. As a leader, you should be grateful to your leaders, your peers, and your employees.
  • Focus on the Person, not Performance: Gratitude is a personal recognition of the contributions only that person can make. Recognize, not the work done, but rather the way the work has been done. You are recognizing the contribution of personality that someone is bringing to work. In short, you are encouraging their authentic self to shine out in their efforts. Recognize their uniqueness in execution, their passion for the role, and their willingness to stretch themselves to meet the challenge.
  • Be Sincere: People know when you are not sincere in your praise. To be earnest in your gratitude, you need to take a good look at the contribution others bring.
  • Reciprocate: It’s easy to accept expressions of gratitude because they bolster your self-worth and encourage self-compassion. But to truly develop a culture of gratitude, you need to reciprocate. Express your gratitude for others, and let them know you are grateful for their gratitude.

Building a culture of gratitude is not without difficulties. There’s a worry that awards and recognition go to those who just “do their job” instead of doing something extraordinary. It takes time to change that culture perception from recognizing task completion to acknowledging the attitudes that complete the tasks with high success. This requires phrasing your recognition correctly. For example:

  • “Completing your paperwork on time and turning it in correctly” focuses on the task
  • “You complete your paperwork with a smile on your face, an excitement that is infectious, and with a desire to streamline your efforts so your customers have an excellent experience” focuses on the attitudes and motivation behind the task

Focusing on that aspect of the work, the contribution that only that person can make, and the impact that their attitude makes on the task will make all the difference in the role. While working for eBay, as long as I was appreciated for what I did and how I did it, I was motivated and happy. When my efforts were no longer valued, I began to look elsewhere. I also think of those on my team who, if shown gratitude for their work, could have been retained instead of looking elsewhere. Gratitude can make a huge difference and for that, I am exceedingly grateful.

 

During the pandemic, I started a hobby. With about $20.00 of equipment, a spare gallon pickle jar, and some shrimp I started a fully planted tank. The collection then grew to a couple of 10-gallon tanks and, because of the prolific nature of Mickey Mouse platys, the hobby has now grown to several large tanks totaling 300 gallons and several different species of fish. Building these tanks has been incredibly relaxing, and each time I aquascape a tank learn something new. The best thing about those tanks is the communities being built because you get to see fish interact with each other and observe their behavior.

Building a fish community requires a lot of thought and can be very complicated. You need to know the required water parameters for specific species, their behavior towards other fish, and how they interact. For instance, you don’t want to place large predators with small schooling fish, or you won’t have any schooling fish. You also don’t want to have too many of the same fish in one tank (with a few exceptions). Overstocking with either fish or plants can be lethal to a tank if not properly managed and filtered. You need to understand how beneficial bacteria help with the nitrogen cycle and the health of your tank. What I’ve found is that any tank of fish will try to survive and can be accommodated with additional filtration, more frequent water changes, special planting schemes or subdivisions within a tank, or additives to the water to make up for missing elements, but to truly thrive there needs to be a balance. And balance means having diversity in your tank’s ecosystem.

Balance often isn’t planned out right away. It’s easy to just stock a tank with only platys or tetras because you know what they will eat and what they will do. But after a while, they become boring. There’s no interaction, and the fish start to just, well, sit there. They are bored, and there’s no activity or dynamic in the tank. My personal preference for a tank is to start with a diverse set of rocks and wood to make for interesting hardscaping. Then planting with several types of plants for interest, aiming for a natural feel. For the livestock I often have a showcase fish that’s generally a slow mover, then some fast schooling fish to add some energy, and finally a couple of unusual fish, shrimp, or clams that make for interesting discoveries. Once you have a perfect balance of plants, filtration, scavenger fish or shrimp, slow-moving fish, and fast-moving schooling fish, you have a fun and exciting tank to sit and watch.

Watching these tanks and their interactions, the anthropologist in me started relating the experience to human communities where relationships and experiences of groups and individuals contribute to everyone’s success. Jumping to the work dynamic, every team has its own community, though how that community succeeds depends entirely on its composition. It’s easy to build an organization where everyone thinks, behaves, and reacts similarly in any given situation. When running in a maintenance mode this type of organization will work very well, though will be less able to creatively solve new problems.

Adding some diversity to a community brings new perspectives and encourages creative approaches to solving problems. Of course, there are levels of diversity, and the more diverse a community, the more creative and innovative that community can be. Indeed posted an excellent article that outlines 20 benefits of a diverse workforce, and they are considerable!

It can also be very uncomfortable at first, just as when adding a new fish species to a tank can be tense as fish try to figure out their place in the tank With all opportunities to develop, being uncomfortable is a good thing. The breadth of knowledge that comes from different cultures, experiences, specialties, mindsets, and perspectives opens the community to new levels of success.

While diversity is important, inclusion and a sense of belonging are where the real magic happens. When adding new fish to a tank, the dynamics of the fish interaction change as the tank accepts that new species. Then, instead of schooling in a tight group or hiding behind the plants or rocks, the fish explore and interact with others in a natural, interesting way. In a work community, it’s just as important to help everyone feel comfortable and accepted, and their views and experiences welcome. Forbes has an outstanding article on the power of inclusion, which takes diversity a step further. Diversity is great, but if team members do not feel comfortable, they will remain reserved and withhold the value their perspectives and experiences could bring. Every manager should make it their priority to make sure every single direct report feels safe and comfortable sharing their perspectives. If they do not feel safe and comfortable, not only will you lose the value of their perspective, you likely will not have them on your team for very long.

I love to watch the fish in my tank as they explore, interact, and enjoy playing with each other. Their social interactions are fascinating to watch, and they provide a calming experience. It continues to bring me new insights into how a community can work, and how building a community can be a rewarding experience. Having a diversely stocked tank has been a fantastic allegory for the benefits of diversity, inclusion, and belonging within the workplace.